The Platypus Misses Byzantium (But not Tea Bags)

Wherein is told the story of an amazing car break down,
a mildly expensive repair, a missed wedding,
and best wishes for an old friend.

Dear reader,

You must not assume the worst when you see the picture that has been thoughtfully placed at the head of this account. Our society is so given to that excess of morbid wonder, that one is fairly induced to plumb the depths of horror to produce even a mild sensation of excitement in the organ of feeling. A writer's heroines must suffer as veritable Psyches and our villains must be more cruel and tyrannical than the late King Leopold if they are to be of even the most casual interest. I suppose one might be induced to spend a great portion of ink here deploring the depraved conditions of our age and wax toward the highest pitch of moralism upon the point to put even an enthusiast to shame. It is quite excessive, and yet it is the tenor of our times, dear reader. I, however, never could abide a fashion, unless it be fashionable to be out of fashion which it always is in the right circles. So I will spare you, gentle reader, such a tower of execrations as the fashionable fashion demands.

To the meat of the matter! Our story begins with a rather extraordinarily unextraordinary couple upon a most extraordinarily unextraordinary trip! Namely, making the crossing from R- to P- on the occasion of one Right Rev. Daniel Price's wedding. It was a most unexpectedly expected event, and therefore merited the curiosity of the greater portion of the town of L-, L- County. As is known, dear reader, every Right Reverend, no matter how poor his incumbency, must be in want of a wife. The very constitution of the protestant church demands it, or else taxes shall be raised, popery return, the French make off with the high seas, the price of tea and coffee double, and the Empire be as good as done for! So it was generally agreed that a Reverend aged 30 and finally ready to be rid of his bachelorhood forever was at all costs to be supported. During their duty, then, to preserve the sanctity of church and Empire, our extraordinarily unextraordinary couple set out across the wastes in their intrepid vehicle. About a hour into their trip, however, there was a most dolorious and scandalous occurrence. Those with weak constitutions had best leave off here. The "check engine" light on the dashboard shone out with a most sudden and terrifying glow. What were they to do, our young couple? Calamity of calamities seemed suddenly to swoop upon them with the ravening rapaciousness of the American coyote for both knew through a previous warning that it was most assuredly the engine's cooling system that had gone. What were they to do? Custom and friendship demanded that they move on, and yet move on they could not! Yet the safety of a lady should be at stake if she should be subjected to the harsh inclemencies of the desert. Weighing in the scales, the lady's safety and honour bore the heavier and they were compelled, however regretfully, to turn back. Oh reader! Think not too harshly on them! Judge yourself what you would have done in their place! If there were any dishonour involved, I assure you that it was well expiated in the ongoing tortures and expenses of repairing their damaged vehicle! We must remember with the passionate spirit of the evangelical, we are not to judge lest we too be judged, nor condemn, lest we too suffer condemnation. With charity in our hearts, then, we must wish them well, and wish well with them to the Right Reverend Price as he enters together with his beloved into all the joys and raptures of the married state. Good night, dear reader, for now and remember that well worn saying: "The Platypus speaks Truth!"